America&039s Next Top Model Cycle 22 Episode 10: Mad Models Beyond Thunderdome – Bitter Empire

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You guys. There’s a lot visible stimulation this week. SO MUCH. However I hesitate to inform you to shut your eyes in the event you’re feeling overwhelmed as a result of it’s all absolute top-notch batshittery and nicely definitely worth the disorientation and seizures.

Elimination! Dustin made it again into the competitors final week, however now somebody have to be knocked out in his place. Will or not it’s Devin or Justin? Justin or Devin? Who will get to go to Las Vegas? (And once more the viewing viewers asks: “Las Vegas?”)

See more: America’s next top model season 22 episode 10

The numbers twirl and twirl and… -

Oh, Justin is out! Seems like his quietly regular relationship with Mamé was much less precious than Devin’s wildcard persona. Or perhaps there can solely be one -ustin in the home. Justin is gloomy, however he hopes his dad and mom are happy with him. He’s a stand-up man, that Justin. Living proof: Justin tells Mamé that she’s lovely and says he’ll be holding in contact and shifting ahead. Aww. See how relationships can work, Mikey?

Mikey thinks Vegas will probably be “dope” as a result of it’s a celebration metropolis. Which isn’t to be confused with Social gathering Metropolis, which is simply dope in the event you like sexist costumes. Hadassah doesn’t prefer it that Dustin is again, and says he hasn’t earned his place. I completely get why the opposite fashions really feel this manner. Dustin will actually should work to win them again over. Or, you realize, not.

Nyle is comfortable as a result of he bought finest photograph once more. That makes twice, which suggests he’s undoubtedly respiration down Lacey’s neck. (Nyle additionally just lately stated on Twitter that he identifies as fluid, so in the event you had been in search of an up-and-coming popping out position mannequin, there you go.)

As is customary with opponents who’re inside placing distance of successful America’s Subsequent High Mannequin, Nyle should now inform us one thing unhappy. I’m wondering if the producers explicitly inform the fashions to try this, or if they only elevate their eyebrows increased and better whereas saying The rest? in more and more vital tones of voice. Nyle says his dad and mom had been divorced when he was younger and his father hasn’t actually been part of his life since then. Nevertheless, Nyle additionally makes positive to tell us that his mother was a terrific single father or mother.

Hadassah has moved from the underside of the pack to runner up this time round. She’s proud. She additionally needs to know why Dustin is again when all the pieces is such a joke to him. For those who’re questioning why confetti and a duck simply dropped from the ceiling, it’s as a result of Hadassah simply uttered the theme little bit of dialogue for this episode. Get able to doubt Dustin’s seriousness simply as totally as you felt Bello’s ardour final week. Ah, Bello. You by no means respect cray like his till it’s gone.

Devin says Dustin is sort of a fly that retains coming again and you’ll’t do away with him. Devin illustrates the purpose by swatting at an imaginary fly, and a few genius brings our pleasure to full bloom by including in a tiny flying Dustin head. Somebody gif that instantly.1

Awww. Mamé reads a candy word that Justin left her. Golly, it’s nearly like Justin is safe sufficient in himself as a human being he isn’t threatened by the concept of being brazenly affectionate to the particular person he’s been making out with. I hope these two non-crazy youngsters make it after the present is over. Mamé briefly has a tough time with Justin leaving. She says she felt like her dad and mom had been ripped away from her after they despatched her to dwell in the USA, and now one other one that cares for her is being ripped away.

However she says she’s centered and she is going to get this. And now it’s time to go to Las Vegas! Good Stratosphere, in all of the elimination pleasure, I had practically forgotten that the fashions are going to Las Vegas! Please, please let somebody attempt on a VerSAYCE.

Chances are you’ll be questioning why the fashions are going to Las Vegas, what with it having fuck-all to do with style and never precisely being an unique glamour journey from Los Angeles. One may suspect that this is likely to be one thing of a price range season had been it not for the plain undeniable fact that Tyra needs us and the fashions to face Rex Mundi, the evil drive that the Cathars believed waits to lure us all from our non secular path with temptations of fabric delights. I respect the meals for thought, however I do want Tyra could be extra refined about these items.

Devin is flipping out about Las Vegas, however then once more Devin would additionally flip out about being allowed limitless toppings at Yogurtland. Devin says he needs Finest Picture and must step it up. Dustin is lacking his commencement and promenade to be on this present, however is glad to be going to Vegas. Oh, pricey. Hadassah says that Tyra made it clear that this was a enterprise modeling enterprise (or perhaps journey) and takes one other alternative to side-eye Dustin’s seriousness.

YES! The fashions are certainly taking the Mannequin Bus to Las Vegas. -

What a enjoyable and cost-effective methodology of transport. I’m severely bummed that we don’t see any of the footage of the fashions driving one another straight up the partitions for 5 hours, however don’t fear: It’s as a result of there’s a lot to stuff into our eyeballs this episode already. Or perhaps the fashions quietly learn Proust novels for the entire journey. We mustn’t make assumptions.

Dustin is worked up to see the golf equipment and casinos. Which is just too dangerous, as a result of he’s solely 18.

Aaaaaauuugh. There’s a tiny little bit of Mannequin Bus footage, however it’s all the fashions illustrating how enjoyable it’s to take silly selfies on their silly silly product placement telephones. -

Bear in mind: The important thing promoting level of those telephones is that they’re designed for taking selfies. It’s price paying for the upgraded plan while you purchase one. That manner when the shop technicians cut up your chest open to take away all of your fundamental human values, they put them in a gorgeous plastic field as a substitute of simply tossing them into the dumpster out again.

The fashions arrive at their product placement resort in Las Vegas! It’s brand-new and the fashions love the truth that the ground within the entrance foyer lights up in numerous colours. -

Rex Mundi, y’all. Which of the fashions will go this check? Hadassah says that that is essentially the most lovely resort she’s ever stayed in and reminds us that that’s fairly a excessive bar for her as a result of she has stayed in numerous lovely motels. Devin calls it “mannequin stylish,” which, OK.

As an alternative of giving them single or double rooms the place the fashions is likely to be liable to having a second’s peace, the producers have correctly housed the fashions within the penthouse the place they can’t escape one another. It’s further devilish as a result of the fashions are all naïve sufficient to view this as a selected. It’s filled with sushi and footage of Tyra. -

Mikey calls the penthouse “cash cash cash cash cash.” Mundi mundi mundi mundi mundi.

The fashions all get customized reward containers of garments and equipment which we are supposed to consider Tyra has personally chosen for them. Each Lacey and Devin exclaim over how nicely Tyra is aware of them. The fashions instantly study that they’ve a non-public VIP pool get together to go to! “Non-public VIP” signifies that nobody else is there however Miss J., Yu Tsai, dancing by the pool, and Don Benjamin from Cycle 20, who’s spinning tunes. Or a minimum of a tune. Hey, that’s odd. Don appears to have let go of his blond Ty-over look. -

Will need to have been for a personality shoot. I’m positive he’ll bleach it proper again when he’s executed.

Don has a track out known as “Jealous,” so, sure, your time on High Mannequin could make your desires come true. However not make you ship scripted strains nicely.

The problem – for it’s a problem – is that the fashions should get a great image whereas leaping absolutely clothed into the pool! YES! The very best image wins a spa day on the product placement spa of the product placement resort. Nobody is standing by with industrial dryers, so the fashions are reminded to get a great face and physique of their one attempt. OK, sure, that appears like a genuinely tough problem.

Don tells Mikey that he’s going to be a gambler. Mikey is aware of he has to step it up and does nicely, even throwing his prop cube within the air on the good second. -

Mamé, a “stylish shopper,” will get cash and an enormous purse and appears fairly cool in her shot. Dustin will get a foolish little prime hat and is Vegas get together host. OK, advantageous. Devin is awarded a mirror and instructed that he’s the man who likes to make folks look good. What? He has Kelly Cutrone’s Zorrosmith hat on. -

Lacey will get {a magazine}, a towel, and sun shades. Her physique appears nice, however she blocks her face with the glasses. -

The opposite fashions rejoice. Nyle feels legit after his win final week. His character is a bartender, with a cocktail shaker and a full glass of cosmopolitan. His technique is to leap as excessive as attainable so the photographer has as a lot time to shoot as attainable. I feel his shot appears enjoyable and terrific, however Don says he went all-out get together mode as a substitute of attempting to promote a product. Harrumph. Inform me which factor he’s meant to be promoting and we will focus on.

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Hadassah’s character is the “shopaholic.” Aw, her collar floats up and covers her face as she jumps, which even her rivals suppose blows. -

Nevertheless, the photograph that was taken simply as she was stepping off appears actually good, so there’s hope.

…Greater than hope, really. She’s on the prime of the pack with Mamé and Dustin. Hadassah thinks folks underestimate her. However Mamé wins it! She’s very comfortable and notes that that is her fourth problem win. Respect the place respect is due. As they study their problem scores, the fashions are all ingesting within the pool with their garments on, which is pleasant. -

They arrive again to the penthouse to see their scores already posted. Nyle is on the underside with Devin. That’s some bullshit. Mamé has a ten after which the rating drops to 9 for Dustin. He says he’s the comeback child and Hadassah is salty about it and claims she’s “bitchy on a regular basis” to him. Yeah, Dustin is shedding floor with all of us.

Devin is bummed about his 7. He can’t work out what he’s doing flawed. Devin asks Mikey if he is aware of what to work on, and Mikey curtly says sure, he’s engaged on it. Devin interviews that Mikey has been getting quiet and distant. Mikey says he’s specializing in successful now. Oh, no! DM is not any extra. As Mikey leaves the room, Devin says he’s “holding one eye open on” him. Why have we not had a supercut of Devin’s near-misses with the world of clichés?

Oh, good heavens. Brace yourselves. Like severely discover a sturdy chair and one thing with which to mop your forehead and perhaps a pleasant bowl of comforting soup. Do you’ve gotten any Nutella in the home? Go make your self some good toast and Nutella. Possibly some scorching tea.

So seems this entire episode – Dare I say the entire remainder of the season? – is definitely a product placement for Tyra’s new line of make-up, Tyra Magnificence. No, wait, I’m sorry: It’s for her Cosmetics Expertise. That’s for actual what she calls it, so simply push via till you cease convulsing, as a result of it’s not going to get any simpler.

Oh, for chrissakes, we actually are in bother. there’s a product known as “Ménage à Forehead.” TYRA, THAT NAME MAKES NO SENSE ON ANY LEVEL. “Forehead” doesn’t sound like “trois,” and there are usually not three issues. It’s particularly known as a “forehead pen duo” proper underneath the title. Is your eyebrow making up the third? OK, then what in regards to the different eyebrow? Why not name it “browrgy” and be executed with it?” I wish to know who the fuck named this product and I desire a WRITTEN rationalization of his or her pondering course of instantly.

Oh, and the “Cosmetics Expertise” factor is as a result of Tyra is basically making a run at Avon and Mary Kay. (And, actually, why not?) So Tyra says it’s not nearly folks shopping for her cosmetics, it’s about her empowering folks by letting them additionally promote her cosmetics. …However I checked the web site and she or he’s empowering these folks, because it seems, the identical manner Amway does – when you’re promoting for her, you need to lure in additional folks promoting underneath you to suck a fee proportion off their gross sales. Empowering!

Oh, and if you are ingesting in all this energy, you’ll not be a salesman, you may be a “Beautytainer.” STAY WITH IT. I KNOW IT BURNS. And you’ll not be being profitable, you may be making “Financial institution$igns.” Candy galloping Freya, that one actually knocked the wind out of me. Everyone OK? That was tough. Possibly make some extra toast. No, fuck it. Simply eat the Nutella straight out of the jar.

Now that we’re all comfortably sure that Tyra is keen about branding, we study that as a substitute of filming their very own music movies, rattling all of it to hell, the fashions will probably be filming a music video for Tyra Magnificence, which suggests they are going to be dancing and lip-syncing to the Tyra Magnificence theme track, which known as “Bootyful” for no frigging motive in anyway. The fashions are compelled to do like 35 takes till they chuckle like “Bootyful” is the wittiest factor they’ve ever heard.

“Bootyful” is sung by Stori, and contains the repeated chant “Work the hallway just like the runway,” which lastly explains the insane doll theme they gave Mamé just a few weeks in the past. Additionally defined is the bizarre TYRA emblem on Lacey’s doll field, the one the place the loop of the R is a closely made-up eye: Seems you’ll be seeing it throughout your cosmetics expertise. -

As a result of Tyra is watching you each minute and why are you at that memorial service as a substitute of on the market promoting?!

Nyle has bother with this problem, as a result of it’s about lip syncing. Nevertheless, he’s a champ about working towards. After Mikey douchily asks Nyle why he has headphones on, he explains that he can really feel and listen to the beats with the headphones and browse together with the phrases. It’s fairly cool. Nyle is aware of he’s at a drawback, so he practices up a storm to convey his A sport.

Much less on board with working towards is Dustin, who’s flirting with the additional fashions. (That’s unhappy and hilarious: Tyra and the producers had juuuust a few actual fashions on the shoot in case those she’s constructing into superstars don’t give her any good footage.) Ew, Dustin tries to flirt by asking a mannequin of coloration what her ethnic background is and works in an unwelcome leg contact. He’s hella creepy. We see footage of him repeatedly attempting to go in for one more leg contact with the mannequin who has already brushed him off. Guys, the “only a joke” touching factor when somebody has already indicated that she doesn’t want to be touched and is in a scenario the place she is compelled to be well mannered to you just isn’t boyish or delightfully naughty or indicative of you being a participant. It simply makes the girl in query fantasize about punching you within the face till your cranium is concave.

Devin can’t stand Dustin and name him an annoying little child. It’s powerful to argue with him on that time.

Verbatim line from my on-the-fly present notes:

“Jesus that is horrible.”

Tyra reveals up for the hair and make-up session and the fashions chant “Work the hallway just like the runway” in a totally spontaneous style. Then Tyra does that factor the place she runs from mannequin to mannequin pretending she’s a educated make-up artist, however this time solely with Tyra merchandise. -

Devin remarks on how the stick Tyra is smearing on everybody’s face goes with everybody’s pores and skin!

The shoot will get brutal, however a minimum of their jumping-into-the-pool characters from earlier are higher defined. Their on-set front room is a Ty-over present. Be robust, dammit!

Mamé is enjoying a beautytainer. Dustin is the host of the get together, which is not sensible as a result of weve simply been instructed that it’s Mamé’s get together. Possibly he’s a jolly-people-along paid host, like on a cruise ship? That looks like a dear cosmetics funding. Nyle is the bartender. Hadassah is the client. Mikey is The Sizzling Man. Barf. Devin is the make-up artist, which is simply this facet of offensive, however no matter.

Lacey is the shy and insecure lady who blossoms with the assistance of Tyra’s cosmetics, as a result of nothing says being safe with your self like solely feeling assured when you’ve gotten twelve kilos of make-up on.

Lacey says she’ll don’t have any bother enjoying her position as a result of she was once insecure and is an introvert at coronary heart.

Dustin is horrible at rapping and performing and feeling the rhythm and shifting his physique and making a great face. It may need one thing to do with the truth that he doesn’t want to be saying “Booty Drama” time and again as he’s being compelled to do. The opposite fashions say Dustin thinks all the pieces is a joke and Yu Tsai says he has no power. Tyra says it’s not working.

Nyle goes in for his solo half. He’s been working towards and appears good and appears to hit all the pieces on the beat and he has good power. -

The query is Why can’t Dustin do that?, and it’s successfully posed.

Devin decides to convey it with some really loopy dancing I’d say it was a calculated gamble if it weren’t Devin. That’s just about the gamble he goes with each time. -

Mikey sees Dustin dancing and decides to kill it and goes full-on barrettes-out hair band, with all of the flipping you’ll be able to think about.


He has undoubtedly been finding out Willow Smith’s method.

Yu Tsai calls it a ‘90s music video, however not in a manner that means he’s displeased. Nor ought to he be, as a result of that is so very clearly why the present has been hanging onto Mikey all this time. Hope he was price it.

Hadassah stumbles and loses her mild, which shocked me – I’d anticipate a pageant lady to know methods to discover her mild always. However perhaps that’s extra of an performing factor. I assume pageants are kind of flooded with mild always. Mamé calls Hadassah too tender. Mamé does a crotch seize (!) and goes excessive power.

Day One of many shoot ends after which we’re whipped into Day Two earlier than we will even catch our breaths. Dustin says he is aware of he struggled yesterday and flirted an excessive amount of. Or, after a break from the competitors, he could have seen how crazeball it’s and checked out, as a result of he’s nonetheless flirting. Hadassah tells him to present it a relaxation. Dustin says what he realized from leaving and coming again was to loosen up and never stress an excessive amount of in regards to the competitors, which might be a nasty ANTM technique, however arguably a fairly good one for the remainder of his life.

I’m nonetheless attempting to determine methods to clarify what the fashions are being compelled to put on. For those who raised somebody in a cave utterly away from human society however instilled in him a deep and abiding love of gold and spangles and then you definately verbally described to him each American soccer and Roman gladiator tournaments however didn’t give him any footage and then you definately let him see The Street Warrior six instances in a row and then you definately gave him the fanciest plastic molding machine in all creation and requested him to make some customized items for a gaggle of fashions to have a particularly fancy battle royal, these are what he would produce.

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They’re hilariously, marvelously, transcendently unwieldy and clearly uncomfortable for the fashions to put on. Thanks, costume designer. Thanks.

So the ultimate scene of the music video/everlasting business is the beautytainers conference. Ahh, all of it is sensible. Las Vegas is greater than a price range vacation spot; it’s a complete write-off if we will use this footage to advertise the Tyra Magnificence rewards convention. That is fairly wonderful.

On the get together, Mikey is the new man who kisses Hadassah. He tells her how excited she is to kiss him. Sure, these pronouns are appropriate. Dirtball flirtation strategies are all over the place this cycle. Devin is the get together man, so he has to convey the power. Examine. There’s an superior scene during which Hadassah is sat between Devin and Mikey and so they preserve whacking her with their big gilded shoulder pad issues. -

Mikey, ever the gallant, says Hadassah was a child in a sweet retailer when she kissed him. Mikey additionally tells Don that he has no girlfriend again dwelling. Younger ladies, in the event you simply had the thought that you can be the one to alter him, get your self some kind of shock collar till that goes away. You may thank me later.

Dustin is crouched in a plastic spinning glowball. HAHAHAHAHA. -

He says he’s attempting more durable and I feel we will all agree that Dustin owns the digicam whereas he’s spinning in a glowing plastic cage ball. Comeback?

Nyle is fierce attractive bartender. He’s remarkably cheerful regardless of the truth that he’s attempting to combine drinks whereas carrying certainly one of Brian Blessed’s solid off Flash Gordon outfits. -

The massive scene is a runway stroll with none apart from Tyra Banks! She whips via 300 outfits, together with an enormous tube from the underside of the ocean. The opposite fashions should do their finest.

Cranium Mail! Devin reads the Cranium Mail and says he isn’t afraid anymore. Mikey meanly pretends to get interviewed about the way it feels to see Hadassah going dwelling. As a result of he likes her a little bit bit, and now he should neg her. Mikey says that so long as he, Mikey, just isn’t going dwelling, he’s advantageous with anybody else leaving. Hadassah does very well at staying candy however not being intimidated.

Tyra lets us know that we’ll be seeing the world premiere of “Bootyful.” I’m positive you’ll all the time keep in mind the place you had been when it occurred.

Panel! The judging panel is in a nightclub. I feel Miss J. has day-glo hair equipment? It’s onerous to inform in the event that they’re really neon or if we’re simply in intense lighting. -

Tyra tells us that earlier than we see the essential premiere of the promo video for her Cosmetics Expertise, we’ll see the perfect takes from the video.

Mamé appears good, however Miss J. says her runway stroll wasn’t fierce sufficient – too tender, not like the remainder of the video. Mamé argues that she felt like she actually let go. Mamé! We don’t argue with the judges! Kelly shortly swats her down.

Mikey has a bizarre side-to-side dance, however it’s no stranger than what Axl Rose used to do and the women like it. Kelly says she’d purchase something Mikey was promoting and she or he and Tyra say he appears like a rocker AND a mannequin. Feh.

Miss J. says Devin’s face is “beat,” and Tyra explains that it means he’s carrying an excessive amount of make-up. Devin correctly claims he’s simply staying in character as a result of he was the make-up artist. Devin strikes quite a bit and dances like nobody or everyone seems to be watching. Whereas usually they’d ding him for being too wild, on this case Miss J. loves it. Kelly loves it too. She says he’s free, within the second, and has a free and style look. Tyra says she was in awe whereas he was.

Lacey, if we recall, was the insecure lady who comes out of her shell after she will get a bunch of make-up and a golden Roman centurion helmet. -

Tyra says her performing is nice, however her runway stroll is weak. Effectively, sure, we’ve had numerous weak runway walks this cycle, perhaps probably as a result of Miss J. is likely one of the most sought-after runway trainers on this planet and the fashions bought like 30 seconds to work along with her this time round.

Tyra says Lacey was overwhelmed by her garments. Which, once more, in Lacey’s protection, had been a glittery golden gladiator helmet and soccer pads. She-Hulk would have been overwhelmed in these garments.

Hadassah was the make-up buyer and, man, Hadassah does kind of seem like she’s falling down within the hallway. Miss J. says she’s too ladylike.

Dustin says it feels good to be again. However his lip syncing is dangerous and he’s not nice at stuff within the video on the whole. Typically he’s good at being in that spinning glowball, although. Tyra says he’s not harnessing his potential regardless that he does a flip within the hallway.

Nyle appears a little bit inhibited till he will get to the hallway. Then he appears terrific. Kelly says his signing as he goes down the hallway is further nice. Tyra says it’s the best way that he signed – filled with power and he by no means missed a beat.

Elimination! Seven Fashions! Six pictures! Dustin is aware of he’s out and so can we all and so do folks in nations the place this present doesn’t run, however let’s do that anyway!

Finest efficiency: Mikey! Augh. Devin hates this too. Runner up: Devin. And now we all know subsequent week’s dramatic plotline.

Then we now have Lacey and Mamé. Three left! There’s zero suspense over Nyle being in, however Tyra scolds him on his problem anyway.

Dustin and Hadassah are left! Dustin will get misplaced when he will get course! His expertise is hiding! I’m shocked no person ratted him out on the flirting. Hadassah takes good footage! However is she too pent up? Is she a mannequin or a pageant lady?

So who goes?

Dustin, as we knew he would from in regards to the second minute after he got here again on.

Hadassah will get the loosen-up discuss and continues to be within the operating to change into America’s Subsequent High Mannequin. Tyra says Dustin conquered after which floundered. He’s so over this. He could have determined that he wasn’t coming again fairly a while in the past. Dustin says he received’t miss the drama, however that it was a possibility misplaced.

After which it’s the world premiere prolonged business video!

Tyra begins off the video by throwing shade on pure magnificence. After which it lasts for what appears like 17 minutes and is Rexmundelicious. It definitely made me lose religion in all that’s good.

Hope you loved that hour-long business! To cap that, let’s check out some precise wording from the disclaimers on the Tyra Magnificence web site:

Upon enrollment, Beautytainers should additionally conform to a $14.95/month expertise charge. *Any potential success is totally depending on many components, resembling private efforts and work habits, location and particular person gross sales strategies. There is no such thing as a assure {that a} Beautytainer will generate revenue.

Subsequent week, Mikey needs a threesome and there’s some kind of furry get together and Devin is finished with Mikey. So say all of us.

I cannot be happy with myself, however I’ll see you there.

  1. Editor’s word: DONE!! ↩

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