My ex wished me a happy birthday during no contact.
Remember the time Monica broke up with Richard on F.R.I.E.N.D.S? It took months for her to recover. But the moment she saw him again, she fell for him. She hoped to restart a relationship with her old love. It was a false hope.
When you broke up with your significant other, the same thing happened. You spent months getting over them. You cried, got new hobbies, and cried again. Your friends stood witness to your recovery from the breakup. But the moment you got that birthday text from your ex, everything changed.
To what extent? We will discuss that below. I know you have a lot of questions about the situation. You are confused. You are thinking, “Why would they contact me now?” or, “What should I do?”
Well, I am here to answer all your questions about the situation. I will walk you through the reasons and help you find suitable solutions to the problem.
10 Reasons why would they wish you now that you guys are broken up
They wished you on your birthday during the no contact period. The simplest answer points toward the fact that they still remember your birthday and wished you today purely out of politeness.
However, there can be other reasons too. Reasons that are bound to make you think. These reasons can place you in a difficult situation once again after months of trying to get over the breakup. Read on.
#1 They still remember your birthday
Of course, they do. Why wouldn’t they? They had known you for so long before you broke up. Birthdays were an important part of that relationship. You still remember their birthday, even if you don’t want to.
If they wished you purely out of politeness, there is nothing to worry about. However, if the birthday wish comes from an ex who wants to reconcile, you will need to stop for a while to think.
#2 They miss you
They have missed you for a while now. But, for obvious reasons, they were not able to convey that to you during the no-contact period. Your birthday has proved to be the perfect opportunity for them to restart communication.
However, they would never say that they miss you. The birthday wish will look just like a harmless text. If they call you, that will begin with them saying, “Happy Birthday!”
The tricky part comes next when they try to carry on the conversation with questions like: “How are you?” or, “What are you up to these days?”
Then comes the part where they say: “Let’s meet for brunch next week. Is Thursday, 11:00 am good for you?” That’s your cue to know that they miss you and want to see to now.
#3 They want a second chance
They regret breaking up with you. They want a second chance at this relationship. But, while breaking up, you specifically told them not to disturb you with calls and texts. You forbade any kind of communication between the two of you.
They wished you on your birthday because they thought you would never yell at a birthday wish. If you thank them for remembering your birthday, that might open a door for conversation. For them, it’s a win.
All they need is a second chance to prove that they can change. They want to rectify all of their past mistakes and make amends for hurting you. They genuinely want to be the person of your dreams.
#4 They want to hurt you with false hope
Your ex is a psychopath who gets a kick out of hurting people. It’s like an addiction for them. To be more specific, this is the behavior of a sadist. That is probably why you broke up with them in the first place.
They know you have spent a lot of time getting over them. They know it was not easy for you. How? You guys have common friends to pass on the news.
They are not done hurting you. They want to torment you more. They want to see you suffer. Your birthday has provided them with the perfect ammo to attack your mind.
They know that a birthday wish from them will make you think. It will take you back, down the memory lane, to the best times you spent together as a couple. The birthday wish will give you hope of reconciliation. That’s where they win. They want you to hope so that they can shatter your heart into pieces once again.
#5 They wanted to show you that they still care
This is a way to prove that they still care. They want you to reconsider your decision of no contact. Coming back together is not yet on their priority list. But losing a person they knew so well is something they cannot fathom easily.
They want you to be acquaintances─ two people who still care about each other. What’s a better opportunity than your birthday to prove that?
#6 They think you guys can still be friends
You guys were friends before you started dating. You were great as friends but clueless as lovers. You guys were not at all compatible. The lack of synchronization in the relationship brought on frequent fights (something you never did as friends). The fights led to the breakup.
Remember Rachel and Joey from the last two seasons of F.R.I.E.N.D.S? They were great as friends, but as lovers, they were an abomination to the people who have watched the show. Nobody liked that pair even though they had been friends and roommates for a long time. Eventually, they went back to being friends.
Your ex wants that. They want to go back to being friends. They can’t lose a friend like you over a failed relationship. They find this no-contact thing difficult to deal with.
#7 They want to spend your birthday with you
While in the relationship, you guys have always spent your birthdays together. There was always something special planned for the day. But you broke up before your birthday, and now they are stuck with all the plans and restaurant reservations with no one to celebrate.
They want to spend the day with you. They want to make it special for you for this one last time.
#8 They want to see if you reply
You have not blocked them after the breakup, but you also have not replied to any of their texts. You have not received any of their repeated calls for the last few months.
Therefore, they have found a clever way to extract a reply from you. Why did they think of doing this? Well, most people are happy on their birthday. They reply to all the wishes and receive all the calls.
They intend to sneak into your inbox with a “Happy Birthday” text on the sly. They think the happy you would definitely reply to that.
#9 They are doing their duty
They think wishing someone on their birthday is a moral duty for all humans. Therefore, they have wished you during the no-contact period after your breakup.
This is purely for the sake of formality. They have no wish to continue a conversation with you. They are well off without you in their life and probably have moved on.
Birthday wishes are the only thing left of your relationship with them.
#10 They still have got feelings for you
They still love you. Quoting Phoebe’s words, “You are (their) lobster.” You guys are meant to be together. This breakup was a momentary decision after a nasty fight over a silly issue. They can’t just stop loving you for this.
You guys have spent months and years building this relationship. That can’t go to waste. They are going to fight for you. They hope to get you back. They have decided to get closer to you with baby steps. Wishing you on your birthday─ a day when you are relatively happy is the first step towards reconciliation.
What do you do now?
You have spent a lot of time recovering from the breakup. Breakups always take a toll on one’s mental health. Getting over a person you have spent so much time with is never easy.
But everything gets messed up when that person re-enters your life, and that too, on your birthday. Months of progress attempt to go down the drain, and you crave to talk to them once again. You begin to long for what you lost a few months ago.
Keeping your head straight and making decisions are difficult during situations like this. Let me help you with this one. I have enlisted a few ways to deal with the situation effectively. Scroll down.
#1 Thank them
That is the commonest way of responding to someone who wishes you on your birthday. Just say “Thank you” and close the chat. If they call you, stick to the formal pleasantries and don’t talk to them for more than five minutes.
If you really want to get over this relationship, DO NOT begin a conversation under the guise of saying “Thank you.” You have worked hard on forgetting this person. Don’t let your progress go down the drain. You are fooling no one except you.
#2 Don’t overthink
It’s just a birthday wish. Don’t overthink it. Please don’t go looking for hidden intentions behind it. Your ex is your past. They probably have moved on and are texting you on your birthday just because they know you.
Remember why you broke up with this person. Do you want to relive all that? Do you want to go through that heartbreak again? If your answer is “No,” ignore the text or just be polite and say, “Thank you so much for remembering.”
#3 Try to have a minimum exchange of words
Just as I said, in the previous point, speak less when you get into a conversation with them. Keep it formal and have a minimum exchange of words. How to do that? I’ll show you how.
When they text you on your birthday, just say “Thanks” (nothing else but that one word). The one-word reply will get them their answer. Despite that, when they try to begin a conversation with questions like “How are you doing?” say, “I am good.” Please don’t ask them the same question. Don’t show any interest in their life.
Stop them with short one-word answers whenever they try to carry the conversation forward. When they bug you too much with questions about your life, start ghosting them. That would keep them out of your inbox after a while. If nothing works, block them.
#4 Don’t nurture the hope of reconciliation
Breakups and almost never pleasant. But they are a necessity. They are invoked when a relationship feels like a burden when it isn’t fun anymore. A breakup always has a reason.
Remember that reason when you think about reconciliation. Remember the day they yelled at you for nothing or that time they forgot about the date you had planned for a month.
Think about why you broke up. You guys want different things in life. Like Monica and Richard, you are divided over having and not having kids. You guys are not meant to be together, and a birthday text cannot change that reality.
#5 Ignore them
If you are still trying to get over them and that call on your birthday has disturbed your process, ignore it. Do not pick up the call at any cost.
If they are persistent, they will keep calling you until you pick up. Just don’t. They can’t call you for 24 hours. This will be over soon. Enjoy your birthday instead.
#6 Talk to a common friend
Their friends know them better than anyone (especially after the breakup). If you are suspicious about their behavior, talk to a common friend. They will be able to shed some light on their mind.
If you have scrolled down this far, I believe you are having problems with digesting the fact that your ex can harmlessly text you on your birthday.
Of course, you know them better and are aware of their intentions. Therefore, to confirm your assumptions, ask a common friend about them.
#7 Ask them not to contact you anymore
The sudden conversation with them has shaken you to the core if you feel disturbed beyond the amount you can control, ask them not to contact you again.
Getting over them is the hardest thing you have to do. You can’t get back to square one for the sake of your mental health. Make them realize that whatever emotional bond you had between you is now over.
They should know that this relationship has reached an expiry date and nothing good can come out of it. Both of you should part ways now.
#8 If you are comfortable enough, consider being friends
You guys were friends before you started dating. Keep that friendship and do away with the “dating” part. This romantic relationship was a mistake. You have suffered a lot of emotional damage from it. But this ends now.
They called you on your birthday, during the no-contact period, only because they wanted their friend back. You are the Rachel to their Joey. They can stay a day without gossiping with you. Do not throw away such a beautiful bond just because a relationship has not worked out.
#9 Give them a second chance if you think they are worth it
Life is all about second chances. They did something wrong, and that brought on this breakup. They texted you on your birthday, hoping for redemption.
Grant them a second chance at this relationship. They might try to change. A second chance will restore their faith in love, and they will try to rectify their past mistakes.
They will probably never repeat whatever they did to annoy you into breaking up. I know it is not easy to trust someone who has once breached your trust. Please have a little faith in them this time and see what happens.
#10 Ask them not to give you false hopes
If you are clever enough to catch their ruse, directly ask them not to feed you false hopes. Tell them, “I know what you are up to, and I am not going to fall for that again this time.”
Do not try to be polite with them by saying “Thank you” and all; instead, call them out for being mean and cunning. Call them out for being the reason for your hiking therapy bills.
Whatever you faced was not supposed to happen if they were a good partner. They were not, and they are not even being a good ex-partner now.
To sum up
Getting birthday wishes from the ex during the no-contact period can be a painstaking thing to deal with. There is a reason why you decided to cut ties with them. Please think of the reasons you broke up with them and stop yourself from giving in to the urge to give them a second chance. That can turn out to be the biggest mistake of your life.
However, you can try to reconcile if you still miss them and think the breakup was a bad idea. If you strongly believe this relationship deserves a second chance, go for it. It is your life and absolutely your decision. Do what your heart says. I am here only to give you a little nudge.