Christmas is coming and it’s time to spread the good cheer. And maybe you want to add a little humor. If so, these funny Christmas wishes are perfect for you. Our list includes funny Merry Christmas wishes, funny Christmas wishes for boyfriend or husband, funny Christmas wishes for girlfriend or wife, funny wishes on Christmas and New Year. Funny happy holiday wishes, funny Christmas messages, funny Christmas messages for friends, funny Christmas greetings and funny Christmas card sayings.
Christmas is right around the corner. Give your loved ones a laugh with these funny wishes for Christmas.
If you like Christmas quotes, sayings and captions, you should also check out our lists of Short Christmas Quotes, Funny Christmas Quotes, Cute Christmas Quotes, Christmas Tree Quotes, Christmas Quotes for Friends, Christmas Sayings, Christmas Wishes, Funny Christmas Captions, Cute Christmas Captions and Christmas Tree Captions.
Jump ahead to your favorite category or scroll on through to find your favorite Christmas wish.
Funny Christmas Wishes
Here are a few of our favorite funny Christmas wishes.
I hope Santa fills our socks with cash instead of gifts and toys. I know you hope for the same. Wishing you a happy Christmas!
Christmas is all about spending time with good people. So makes sure you spend the entire day with me tomorrow. Merry Christmas!
May your Christmas be as fat, happy, and plentiful as Santa’s! Merry Christmas!
Wishing for a fat bearded guy to visit you at night is weird but I guess that’s tradition for you. Merry Christmas!
Good luck with wishing people unrealistic things from someone who doesn’t even exist. Have a great Christmas this year!
I’ll declare war if you throw a snowball at me. Let’s make this the happiest Christmas we’ve ever had! Merry Christmas!
Emjoy this Christmas till you find your name in Santa’s naughty list.
May your Christmas be spent eating candies and cakes as long as you don’t forget brushing your teeth. Wishing you a Merry Xmas!
Merry Christmas! May Santa bring you winning lottery tickets in your socks!
I know you are feeling grinchy, but I wish your Christmas to be merry! Best wishes to you!
I’ve never decked the halls and I have no idea what Jingle Bell rock is. But I hope your Christmas rocks!
Merry Christmas! May the lines at the stores you shop at be short, and may your patience be long this holiday season!
Merry Christmas! May you not lose any packages in the mail this holiday season. (And may they be delivered on time too!)
Funny Merry Christmas Wishes
Your friends and family will love these funny Merry Christmas wishes.
One important rule of Christmas; You can eat all the sweet candies as long as you don’t forget to brush your teeth. Merry Christmas!
Enjoy your holiday and feel the magic of Christmas this year. Witness how money disappears and how I lose my sanity. Merry Christmas!
Do not spend all of your savings in one day over this lovely holiday. Merry Christmas!
Just wanted you to know that you have literally no chance of ending up on the good list of Santa this year. Merry Christmas to you!
Hope you get to drink a lot and feast well in the holiday season. Lose yourself and have a bit more fun. Merry Christmas!
May you survive the priest’s boring speech in the church and join me at the party as soon as possible. Merry Christmas!
Christmas is the festival of love and spirit. So let us drink the spirit to feel love; Merry Christmas too!
The best Christmas gifts are those given from the heart. On the other hand, cash and gift cards are effective too! Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas! May Santa fill your stocking with winning lottery tickets! Hope you holiday season is a winner!
I mistakenly wrapped your Christmas present in a paper that says “Happy Birthday”. So I added the wording “to Jesus” on it. Merry Christmas!
A Christmas Reminder: Don’t try to borrow any money from elves; They’re always a little short! Have a Merry Christmas!
Santa has already given me what I wished for so long. Now I want him to fill your socks too! Merry Christmas!
If I forget to bring presents for you, keep your doors open. Santa will definitely come with a box of chocolates. Merry Christmas!
Funny Christmas Wishes for Boyfriend or Husband
Here are some great funny Christmas wishes for your boyfriend or husband.
Christmas is the time to be with good people. So make a plan to spend the whole Christmas with me. Merry Christmas, love!
I’d like to say that all I want for Christmas is you, but I’d also like a new credit card! Merry Christmas, sweetheart!
Your name has been missing from both the naughty and nice list of Santa. So, I told him to search for your name on his handsome list. I’m sure he will find it there!
Lob a snowball at me, and I’ll declare war. Let’s make this one the best Christmas for us together! Merry Christmas to you!
Sending your way a bundle of warm wishes and good luck on this holiday. Take my love and don’t forget to bring presents for me tonight. Merry Christmas!
Nowadays, you look like Santa with a big tummy and long beard. Guess what, you are going to the gym next year! Happy Holidays!
Take my Christmas love and remember to bring me gifts. Merry Christmas!
May all your savings doesn’t get spent on Christmas presents but do find me a something special. Merry Christmas.
Santa said you’ve been a great one this year. So, he will be giving you free vouchers to clean the house and find random things.
Merry Christmas, the love of my life. After all our fancy Christmas dinners, I enjoy the fact that I am not the only one washing the dishes.
All I want for Christmas is YOU but as I have already got you, thanks in advance for the hot chocolate on Christmas eve. Merry Christmas.
Having you by my side this Christmas means everything extra. Extra food, extra admiration, extra bills- everything. Love you anyway, Merry Christmas
Funny Christmas Wishes for Girlfriend or Wife
Or maybe you are looking for funny Christmas wishes for your girlfriend or wife.
So flippin’ excited to spend this Christmas with you. Can’t wait to make some funny moments with you.
Everything grows old, except for You and Santa. Merry Christmas, my love. Sending warm wishes on your way this Christmas!
Someone woke up early in the morning to check her socks. Good for the socks, good for my morning too!
I don’t think I need any gifts this Christmas because I have the biggest present and that is you my love. Warm wishes to the loveliest and cutest man I know… Merry Christmas.
Santa asked me what my heart wants this Christmas! I told him your name, and he said you’re already in my heart! Merry Christmas!
When I say I don’t want any present, I am fibbing … so I will be waiting for my surprise Christmas gift… Merry Christmas my love!!!
I don’t need any more presents on Christmas because I have you and I am sure you can buy me everything that I want … Merry Christmas and thanks for making it so special.
Santa’s did not find your name in the bad people’s list. So I told him to look in the cute list. And now he is on his way. Merry Christmas.
I hope when Santa comes at midnight, he brings you wrapped in a box as my Christmas gift! That would make a perfect Christmas for me this year!
I wrote to Santa admitting that I have been naughty throughout this year and it’s all because of you. Now, I’m waiting for Santa’s reply. Merry Christmas!
My wish this Christmas is to get that special one in my life. Santa said that he will give me the gift. So at night when Santa comes, he will wrap you up and bring it to me. Have a joyous Christmas.
Santa is not going to give gifts to bad girls. So its better you don’t expect one. Merry Christmas.
I have no money to spend for you on this Christmas but know that I always have time to spend with you this Christmas! Merry Christmas!
You don’t need Santa to get special presents while you have me in life. I am your all-year-long Santa.
Funny Wishes on Christmas and New Year
Looking ahead, these are the perfect funny wishes on Christmas and New Year. You might also like our list of Short New Year Quotes.
Christmas is not only for praying and praising. But for drinking and messing around also. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Hey you two over there, It’s the old, bearded guy and his silly reindeer! We’re here to bring you holiday cheer and wishes for a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
May the calories of Christmas disappear by the New Year. Happy holidays!
Celebrating & unwrapping. Counting down & ringing in. Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Merry Christmas & Happy New Year. Sending wishes your way for a great holiday season and a super fabulous year ahead!
Joyful. Colorful. Magical. Wonderful. Busy. Stressful. Quick. Wishes for a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! It’s that time of the year again, so prepare for forced family time!
Good luck selecting the perfect tree. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
We wish you a less expensive Christmas. We wish you a less expensive Christmas. We wish you a less expensive Christmas and a debt-free New Year!
Wishing you joy & happiness through the holidays and straight through the year. Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!
Merry Christmas & Happy New Year. Wishing that the magic of the season be with you always.
The holidays are a time to keep your spirit light and your smile bright. Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!
Funny Happy Holiday Wishes
Check out these funny happy holiday wishes.
Enjoy this Christmas till you find your name in Santa’s naughty list. May you have a great holiday!
May you do not find your name in Santa’s naughty list this year! Have a blessed and wonderful Holiday season with your family and friends.
I Wish Santa fill your socks with candy and your wallet with money. Have a nice and warm holiday season! Merry Christmas to you!
I wish for your holidays to be filled with many big smiles and big celebrations – but hopefully not big credit card bills!
Christmas is the only time of year when I buy nuts, and it’s the only time of year I feel like I may go nuts. May you keep your sanity this holiday season!
They say the best Christmas gifts come from the heart… but cash and gift cards do wonders too! Happy Holidays!
Happy holidays! May your egg nog contain enough rum to get you through the Christmas season.
Happy holidays! May you have plenty of coffee and caffeinated drinks to get you through the Christmas season!
This holiday season I think I will donate my bathroom scale. that way I won’t be weighed down with guilt going into the new year!
Happy Holidays! May there be plenty of sales and coupons wherever you go to do your Christmas shopping.
Happy Holidays! May you be able to participate in the activities of the Christmas season rather than the flu season!
Happy Holidays! May the magic of Christmas still be with you when you open your next credit card bill.
Happy Holidays! May all your decorative lights be in working order this season. I hope your Christmas is bright!
Funny Christmas Messages
Read through these funny Christmas messages to find your favorite funny xmas messages.
I hope your smiles will be as big as your credit card bill this Christmas! Wish you good luck and a lot of fun. Happy Christmas!
Christmas is mostly for children. But we adults can enjoy it too until the credit card bills arrive!
I’ve finally found the true meaning of Xmas, it’s for those people who can’t spell Christmas!
The reason why everyone makes wishes every Christmas is that no one’s wish ever comes true! Making Christmas wishes is just a custom! Merry Christmas!
Merry up and have your best Christmas ever!
Santa told me you’d been very good this year; I told him it was just a lack of opportunity. Merry Christmas!
Christmas is a time for remembering family and trying to guess everyone’s sizes! Have a Wonderful Christmas!
There are four stages in life: 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus.
Dear Santa, If you promise to be nice and give me everything on my list, I promise to give you the antidote to those poison cookies you just ate. Thank you.
Everyone knows the most important part of the Christmas celebration is spending time with family you don’t get to see very often. Then you have an excuse to neglect them for the rest of the year.
Funny Christmas Messages for Friends
Here are some great funny Christmas messages for friends.
Stop asking for presents from Santa and be the Santa for the kids around you. Suits your age. Merry Christmas!
You’re now at a stage of your life when you really need to ask yourself if you believe in Santa or not! Grow up, man. Merry Christmas!
Wishing you a white Christmas this year. If you run out of the white one, remember I have plenty of supply for the red one. Merry Christmas dear friend!
Santa told me you are on the good list this year; I told him it was just a lack of opportunity. Just kidding! Have a wonderful Christmas!
Christmas is the only time when eating candy out of socks is cool! Good luck with your smelly socks and expired candies. Merry Christmas!
Every time I see you, I think of Santa. You have so many things in common with that big, fat, silly guy except that long-white beard. Merry Christmas!
I hope Santa leaves you plenty of presents, but I hope the reindeer do not leave behind any “presents” on your lawn! Merry Christmas!
May you have plenty of mistletoe on hand this Christmas… and lots of good kisses too!
If I were to re-write the “12 Days of Christmas,” I would include things like chocolate, cocktails, and fancy dinners instead of French hens and turtle doves.
Merry Christmas! May you receive presents that make you happy – and not fruit cake and ugly Christmas sweaters.
May the calories of Christmas disappear by the New Year. Happy holidays!
Merry Christmas! Santa is giving you the gift of a frigid winter – but just for a few more months!
Merry X-mas! May you be surrounded by jolly elves – and not nasty grinches- this holiday season
My Christmas wish for you this year is simple: with all you are going to consume over the holidays, I hope your digestive system can handle it like a champ.
Funny Christmas Greetings
Check out these funny Christmas greetings and find your favorite funny xmas greetings.
Christmas is truly full of wonders. It makes all of my savings disappear! That is the Christmas magic; Merry Christmas!
I hope your celebration will be big and your bill will be small this Christmas. Have a joyful Christmas!
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
Santa left batteries under the tree with a note that said “Due to cutbacks, toys not included.”
I just wanted to let you know that you will be on Santa’s naughty list this year. Merry Christmas!
Christmas is truly full of wonders. It makes all my savings disappear! That is the Christmas magic; Merry Christmas!
I wrapped your Christmas gift in “Happy Birthday” paper by accident. Then I added “to Jesus” to it. Merry Christmas!
For some, the best part of Christmas happens…. when it’s all over! Wishing you a stress-free Christmas season!
It seems that the Christmas season keeps getting earlier each year. If it gets any earlier, Halloween is going to feel offended.
I wonder how Santa celebrates Christmas day. After the late-night shift he pulls, I bet he stays in bed all day and does nothing. Sounds nice.
Instead of presents, I wish Santa would lend me an elf for a year. I’m pretty sure I could find enough things for him to fix, build, or clean for an entire year!
I love the holidays. But sometimes I could use a little less “Jingle Bells” and a little more “Silent Night”.
Christmas dinners are the best. While I may not be the greatest at cooking, I am pretty good at eating!
! We wish you a less expensive Christmas. We wish you a less expensive Christmas. We wish you a less expensive Christmas and a debt-free New Year!
Funny Christmas Card Sayings
If you are looking for funny things to write in a Christmas card, this is the section for you. You will find the perfect Christmas card sayings here.
Santa Clause exists, and he has to work during the holidays. How pathetic!
This Christmas I planned on going green. So please get the point and send me lots of cash this Christmas. Thank you!
I think Santa should hire giants instead of elves so that he can have a faster production of gifts. Have a fun Christmas!
Is Santa so busy that he cannot find time to groom himself? I think its time for a shave.
Life is short, eat the Christmas cookies.
May your Christmas be filled with large smiles and festivities, but not with a big belly. Merry Christmas!
Our plans for Christmas: Let’s have all the fun of our life and then we’ll both be praying until our credit bills arrive to rip us off. Happy Xmas!
It’s the most wonderful season indeed – until everything has to be cleaned up, and the credit card bill arrives.
Sometimes I feel like I should leave my Christmas decorations up all year; it seems that by the time I take them down, it’s time to put them back up again!
Santa can definitely do some pretty amazing things. But I really wish he could make “late fees” disappear off of bills. Merry Christmas!
I love Christmas, but I am glad it comes just once a year. Otherwise, I’d definitely turn into a major Grinch!
This time of year so many get concerned about eating too many calories. Therefore, I will gladly take any unwanted Christmas cookies.
Merry Christmas! I hope Santa brings you presents – and not the flu- this holiday season!
Funny Christmas Quotes
Here are some of our favorites from our list of Funny Christmas Quotes.
“One can never have enough socks. Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn’t get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books.” – Professor Dumbledore in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone
“For Christmas this year, try giving less. Start with less attitude. There’s more than enough of that in the world as it is – and people will usually just give it back anyway!” – Anne Bristow
“One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don’t clean it up too quickly.” – Andy Rooney
”Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.” — Gary Allan
“There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.”
“I don’t want Christmas season to end, because it’s the only time I can legitimately indulge in on particular addiction: glitter.” — Eloisa James
“Thank you, Stockings, for being a long flammable piece of fabric people like to hang over a roaring fireplace.” — Jimmy Fallon
“Some people are born for Halloween, and some are just counting the days until Christmas.” — Stephen Jones
“I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.” — Henny Youngman
”The main reason Santa is so jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.” — George Carlin
“Who’s the bane of Santa’s life? The elf and safety officer.” – Catherine Tate
“Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.” — Bart Simpson
“Nothing says holidays like a cheese log.” — Ellen Degeneres
“Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.” — Andy Borowitz
“Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.” — Kin Hubbard
“You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger.” — Robert Paul
“There are some people who want to throw their arms round you simply because it is Christmas; there are other people who want to strangle you simply because it is Christmas.” – Robert Staughton Lynd
“There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.” – Erma Bombeck
“There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.” – P.J. O’Rourke
“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge
“Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.” — Larry Wilde
“The older I get, the fewer useless gifts I get. The fewer I get, the less I have to wrap to re-gift for next Christmas.” — Robert Rivers
“A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.” — Garrison Keillor
Funny Christmas Captions
If you like these, head over to our full list of Funny Christmas Captions and Funny Captions for more.
I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red
Dear Santa…can you please define “nice?”
You had me at ho ho ho
Eat, drink, and be merry
Sweet and twisted. Does that make me a candy cane?
Snowy hair, don’t care. It’s Christmas!
Besides the tree, guess who’s going to get lit all day?
Today, I will sleigh Christmas!
Christmas break to-do list: Eat, drink, nap
But first, let me take an elfie.
Ho-ho-home for Christmas!
Here’s my resting Grinch face
My presence is really the only gift you need. Merry Christmas!
Rockin’ each other’s Christmas socks
Dear Santa… I can explain
Merry Christmas! Now, excuse us while we head back to the mistletoe
Sleigh my name, sleigh my name
It’s all fun and games ’till Santa checks the naughty list
My tree is set to sparkle
Keep calm and decorate on
Hopefully, we were able to help you find the Funny Xmas Wishes and Funny Christmas Greetings you were looking for.
You might like our list of Short Christmas Wishes
Now get out there and have your best Christmas yet.
If you like funny quotes and sayings, you should also check out our lists of Funny Good Morning Quotes, Funny Love Quotes, Funny Work Quotes, Funny Quotes of the Day, Funny Quotes About Life and Funny Inspirational Quotes.
If you have a favorite funny Christmas wish for a loved one we missed, please let us know in the comments.
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Funny Winter Quotes
Short Winter Quotes