Your parents are divorced, your last unattached friend is hypersensitive to being seated at the “singles” table, and you have one couple coming in from out of the country who only know you and your partner. What should you do? With a little tact, diplomacy and common sense, you can create wedding seating arrangements that will make everyone happy.
Creating a wedding seating chart is a task that you can start thinking about early on in the planning process, but you can’t complete until all of your RSVPs have come in (usually less than a month before the big day). You’ll also need to work with your wedding planner and wedding venue to determine the reception venue’s layout, including the shapes and sizes of your tables, where the dance floor will be located, and more. Once you have all of this information at the ready, it’s time to create your seating chart. Here’s everything you need to know to figure out the seating chart etiquette of who sits with whom at your wedding.
In this article:
- Do We Really Need a Formal Wedding Seating Plan?
- What Should You Keep in Mind When Assigning Seating?
- Who Sits Where?
- What Other Factors Should We Take Into Account When Choosing Wedding Seating Arrangements?
- Should We Seat All of Our Single Guests at the Same Table?
- Where Should We Seat Young Children?
- What Are Place Cards, Escort Cards and Seating Charts? Do We Need All Three?
Do We Really Need a Formal Wedding Seating Plan?
You may feel like developing a formal seating plan isn’t really necessary, and that your guests are intuitive and go-with-the-flow enough to figure out where to sit. The logic: If you provide enough seats, can’t everyone just figure it out on their own? The answer is: Yes…eventually. If you’ve ever been to a wedding without a seating plan before (and survived the riptide of guests trying to find their places, or seen the bottleneck after they’ve been through the buffet line trying to figure out where to sit), then you know why making one is a great idea. Taking the time to develop a plan will reduce your guests’ anxiety of trying to find a seat (whether it’s family and friend dynamics, not knowing if some tables should be reserved for VIPs, and not wanting to exclude anyone in a group or without a plus-one) and your involvement in mediating issues.
On the other hand, if you’re having fewer than 50 guests, you may not need a detailed plan if you don’t want one. You could also choose to designate the head tables (including you two, your wedding party and parents) with place cards, and allow the other guests to seat themselves. Some couples opt to have a cocktail party or buffet with a few tables, so guests can alternate sitting and eating. If this is what you plan to do, make sure your elderly guests have a place to sit down, possibly even by designating a separate table for them. But the bottom line is we always recommend having a seating chart—your guests don’t want to make any mistakes and they simply like knowing that you thought of them and where to place them.
What Should You Keep in Mind When Assigning Seating?
Relationships, and possible tensions, between guests should be kept in mind when creating wedding table assignments. If your wedding is going to serve as a reunion for many college friends, seat them together so they can catch up. If a friend is attending alone and won’t know many people, put them at a table with strong conversationalists and naturally amicable people who will make them feel comfortable. Leah Weinberg of Color Pop Events shares that when she was planning her own wedding, “as soon as I sent out my invites, I started grouping guests into tentative tables and thinking of what groups folks would naturally fall in—my mom’s family, my dad’s family, work friends, college friends, family friends, etc. Then, as RSVPs came in, I was able to make modifications. But I had the bulk of the work done about two months before the big day, so that made it a much less stressful task once I did have my final numbers.”
Adds Natalie Good of A Good Affair: “Don’t procrastinate in preparing your seating chart. Often this is where the drama comes out within families so it is best to work on it early and hear your parents requests so you have time to come to an agreement without the pressure of a deadline.”
Who Sits Where?
Trying to figure out where to put all of your guests? We’ve got the answers to all of your wedding seating chart etiquette questions.
The Head Table or “Table One”
Before we settle on who sits at the head table, let’s define exactly what it is. Planners often reference head tables, estate (or king’s) tables and sweetheart tables, all of which are different but can serve as table one, depending on your needs.
The newlyweds may sit at a long rectangular head table or round table at the focal point of the room, or alternatively, at their very own sweetheart table. Some couples choose to have no table at all, but to leave a few seats empty at every table so they can mingle throughout the reception.
Classically, the groom sits to the bride’s right and the best man sits to her left. The maid of honor sits to the groom’s right. Depending on how large the table is, the other attendants can also be seated near the couple. Back in the day, spouses and significant others were relegated to different tables, but this tradition is now generally ignored. If you can only fit the best man and maid of honor along with their dates at your table, do so. Seat remaining attendants and their plus-ones at another table.
While table one most frequently includes the couple, their wedding party and the wedding party plus one’s, “a head table can really be constructed in whatever way makes the most sense for the couple and who they want to sit with,” says Jamie Chang of Passport to Joy. “Table one could be the couple and their wedding party and their partners, it could be the couple and their family or parents. There is no right or wrong way to construct the head table as long as it’s created with everyone’s enjoyment in mind.”
Karese DeHaan of Detailed Floral Design agrees that you and your partner’s preferences should be the guiding force behind the decision of who sits at table one at the reception. “One fun decision to make early in wedding planning is who you would like to sit with at the reception. Do you prefer to sit with your friends at a head table or would you like to sit at a sweetheart table just the two of you? There is no right or wrong, and the decision often comes down to your unique personality and the feel you are going for at your reception. However, this decision will be integral in the layout of your whole reception and will determine your course for details such as which tables to rent and the florals to order. A head table generally seats the couple, their wedding party and often the wedding party’s significant others. This can create a more energetic and fun atmosphere as the large group interacts. Seating so many often requires a very long table. A sweetheart table will create a more romantic feel, designate a little time alone, and feature you as a couple. This allows the wedding party to be with other guests they know and are closest to. Choosing who you will sit with at the reception is an opportunity early in the planning process to create the mood you envision for your wedding day.”
The parents of the couple often sit opposite each other at a large family table, with grandparents, the officiant and other close friends. Another option is for the parents to head their own tables, with their close family members and friends. In the case of divorced parents, each parent may also host his or her own table, smoothly diffusing any awkwardness or discomfort.
Mix and Match
As for the rest of your wedding guests, should you put friends together or seat them with people they haven’t met? While it’s may seem like a great idea to mix in a few new faces at each table (and totally okay to do so sparingly), remember that people are most comfortable when they know some of their dinner companions. Ashley Thompson of Ashley Creative Events suggests to-be-weds “group your guest list in ways that will maximize the fun they have at the wedding! For instance, designate a table of college friends or work friends.”
As you seat guests, be considerate. Not even your most gregarious friends will want to sit at a table full of complete strangers, so put acquaintances together when you can. If you have guests who don’t know anyone, seat them near guests with similar interests. If you have a group of friends that can’t fit at one table, split them down the middle, and fill in each table with other guests. Whatever you do, don’t leave one of the crew out.
If you have no idea what to do with your parents’ friends, let your parents and future in-laws arrange those tables. They’ll be thrilled to be involved, and this may keep them from trying to control the rest of your seating plan.
What Other Factors Should We Take Into Account When Choosing Wedding Seating Arrangements?
It’s important to consider the layout of your reception space when determining your table arrangements, and consider guests with disabilities and other needs. For example, older guests should not be seated too close to the music (live band, DJ, speakers, etc.), but should have clear lines of sight to the dance floor. Make sure that guests in wheelchairs or with other movement concerns have clear and easy access to both the dance floor and the exit. And for guests in wheelchairs, make sure their chair at their table is removed in advance.
Immediate family and wedding party members should be seated closest to the dance floor, as they’ll likely be the ones to hit the floor first—and most often—and will need to easily see and participate in toasts, speeches, special dances and more.
Should We Seat All of Our Single Guests at the Same Table?
According to Thompson, “nix the idea of a ‘singles’ table. You may have been playing matchmaker behind the scenes to see if you could set your old co-worker with your cousin, but this may embarrass your guests or make them feel uncomfortable. Instead, you can sprinkle the singles in with their married or couple friends to give them a sense of comfort.”
Where Should We Seat Young Children?
If young ones will be attending the wedding, a kids’ table is a good idea, so long as it is located near where the children’s parents will be dining. Consider placing some coloring books and other activities at the kids’ table to keep youngsters entertained.
What Are Place Cards, Escort Cards and Seating Charts? Do We Need All Three?
Now that you’ve figured out where to put everyone, decide how to lead them to their seats.
Place cards await guests at each table, designating their specific seats. They can be anything from a simple tented card to a tree leaf with gold calligraphy.
These cards are displayed near the entrance of the reception in alphabetical order. They usually include each guest’s name and table number. Once at the table, guests usually select their own seats, but escort cards can be used along with place cards as well to designate seats.
Usually displayed alphabetically or by table in a pretty frame near the entrance of the reception, seating charts list your guests’ names with their designated tables. Additionally, place cards may be used at each table to designate assigned seats, if you wish.
Note: Guests should never alter seating assignments or switch assigned seats at a wedding reception, but it’s perfectly acceptable to mingle at different tables after dinner.
Before creating your seating plan, it’s a good idea to obtain the floor plan and make several copies. This way, you can experiment with various different arrangements before making your final decision. When in doubt, trust your instincts. And no matter how perfect your final seating plan seems, you’ll undoubtedly receive at least one last-minute phone call begging you to change something to make a guest happy. Try to be accommodating, but don’t let it stress you out. Chances are, after dinner, everyone will get up and mingle anyway.
Hannah Nowack contributed reporting to this article.