I knew I was borked the minute the truck started down the incline.
Even a Ford Raptor is no match for fresh, gray mud that looks like wet cement. Illinois mud may not be Alabama mud, but it’s no joke. And I had just attempted to drive a Raptor through just that sort of mud, mud that was puddled at the bottom of sharply angled incline that had a distance of a few feet from top to bottom.
The thing is, when one is about to hit a mud hole, the best thing to do, usually, is to give it as much throttle as you can to maintain momentum (but not so much as to fling yourself into a tree). However, I came in a little too hot, bounced, and lost momentum when I reacted to the bounce by not digging into the throttle.
And that, friends, is how you stick one of the world’s most off-road-ready production vehicles in the mud. Also, it’s a good way to expose yourself to social media ridicule, as smartphone-wielding park guests, already happy to see a Raptor on the trail, surround you. Apparently, the woods aren’t free from 4G LTE.
“I’m so fired,” I thought, mentally updating my resume. I figured my fail would be on Reddit before I even had a chance to flag down a tow.
Let me back up to the beginning. A Ford Raptor showed up in my usual press-vehicle rotation, and someone on the TTAC staff (don’t recall which one of us scallywags) suggested, perhaps jokingly, that I take it to an off-road park.
I initially balked at the idea because I didn’t think there was an off-road park within easy driving distance of my Chicago base. A little Googling proved me wrong. There’s one in Marseilles, Ill., less than two hours away in traffic.
My cousin lives about 35 minutes from there, and he’s a truck guy, so I knew he’d go with me to the park if he wasn’t working. I’m glad he did – off-roading is not to be attempted solo. You always need a second set of eyes, as well as someone to talk strategy with. I actually had the hubris to think I could go ‘wheeling solo if no one else was free, but I am glad I didn’t have to.