It’s no secret that online dating when you’re over 40 years old can be harder than it is for those in their twenties or thirties. Whether you’re divorced, you’re widowed, or you just haven’t found your person yet, it’s more difficult to find someone you want to build a life with for several reasons.
For one, “it’s very challenging to meet a romantic partner in person—the opportunities to do so are often more limited” than they are for younger groups, says Jess Carbino, PhD, a dating and relationship sociologist who has worked with Tinder and Bumble. It can also be tricky to find someone who’s in the same life phase as you, adds Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, PhD, a professor of sexual and interpersonal communications at California State University, Fullerton.
Luckily, online dating offers one crucial benefit: efficiency. Not only can it be time-consuming to meet people in person, but online dating’s algorithms make it easy to meet compatible partners. The apps can weed out people who might not be a match anyway, based on their personality, dating preferences, and political and religious affiliations.
Meet the experts:Jess Carbino, PhD, a dating and relationship sociologist who has worked with Tinder and Bumble.Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, PhD, is a professor of sexual and interpersonal communications at California State University, Fullerton.
Another benefit? Dating apps can give you a sense of control. “Online dating makes [women] feel like they are in the driver’s seat,” says Carbino.
Plus, “there’s no other context where you are able to talk to ten men at the same time,” adds Suwinyattichaiporn. (True!) Having that number of options can help you learn more about your own likes, dislikes, and desires in a future partner, she explains.
Ahead, everything to know about dating over 40—plus, the best apps to download right now.
What To Know About Dating Over 40
After 40, “the overwhelming majority of [women] have had significant long-term relationships,” Carbino says. “For these women, the landscape looks different.” It’s more likely that they’ll know what they’re like in a relationship and what they want in a partner.
It’s also common for other potential partners to be divorced or have children. So, if you’re only interested in people who haven’t been married before, or people who don’t have children, think about why that is, and if it’s a dealbreaker.
Sometimes, societal expectations can deter people from wanting to date those with children, or those who have been married before. But it’s up to you to dig deep and get in touch with what you want. “When people tune into their own desires and passion and intuition, they’ll realize sometimes these societal stigmas don’t really matter,” Suwinyattichaiporn says.
Another thing to keep in mind: As a woman in your forties, you’re generally more successful career-wise and financially than you were in your twenties, Suwinyattichaiporn says. Because of this, she’s found that some of her clients like to take charge when it comes to online dating. While this can be a good thing (you know what you want, and what you deserve!), keep in mind that your potential partner might be feeling the same way, so you might have to learn to balance your equally assertive personalities.
Ultimately, the web (and the apps) can offer options and agency for people looking to jump back into ~the game~. With that in mind, here are 9 of the best dating apps and websites for women over 40, per relationship experts.